Changing Your Mind—Part 1:
The Right Time of Year to Change Your Mind for the Better
It’s natural and useful to take the end of the calendar year as a cue to reassess and set some direction. I think that everyone is probably ready to take a different approach than the typical “New Year’s resolution.” I have recently been very interested in all the ways you can change your mind to change your results. I have thought about it in new ways that I believe will be relatable to everyone in the Comma Club and I’m excited to share these insights with you. I want to do a two-part series on this topic. I’ll start with a quick run through some of my thoughts, some cues for you to reflect on, and a challenging and provocative idea: you can and should think about changing your values.
One of my favorite Comma club concepts is embracing change. I was very lucky when I was about 18 years old to learn the power of embracing change. I was taught it’s one of the most important attributes to develop if I wanted to be a great leader. But not just me, my company’s culture needs to embrace the same thinking, so we stay relevant.
Certainly, a lot of what worked when I was thirty (37 years ago) doesn’t work today. All the new technologies, new generations, all the new possibilities utilizing technology... just look at the power of the cell phone. It’s much more capable than the first mini-computer we purchased in 1978. I can’t even imagine how we would have survived if we hadn’t kept up with the tools as they changed—and adapted our ways of thinking and working, too.
Just so, in life, when we hold on to mindsets, habits, thoughts, beliefs, and even values that aren’t serving us anymore, these are often the root of our next-level stoppers. To grow, we must unlearn old ways to learn new ways. Think: what new skills and roles do you need and want? Looking at that kind of change requires you to open up your spirit and your thinking to new possibilities, new opportunities, new relationships, and new paths.
But many of us can get stuck. And we have our favorite excuses and reasons for staying stuck. We justify our thinking to hold on to our values and beliefs.
I’ve always helped clients discover and sort out their highest values and beliefs as a foundation for finding their purpose and setting congruent goals. What I have learned is that when they set goals to learned values from parents, friends, associates, or bosses, they may be setting their goals to the wrong values, values that either haven’t been closely examined in a while or weren’t mindfully chosen in the first place. Often these false values are the weak link that explains why you aren't getting things done, or why your results aren't as expected.
The end of the year is a great time to sort out what you love, your highest values, and then ask why they are, who taught them to you, and take some time to evaluate them and maybe change your mind.
The changes in the world have a great way of making us revisit what we truly believe and what’s actually important to us. While our fundamental heart won’t change, our words and language and ways of looking at the world, our relationships, and our work will.
What’s important to us always will be. But that doesn’t mean that, upon reflection, something we always tell ourselves is important turns out to be standing in for something different altogether—what’s actually important and not just aspirational, inspirational, or otherwise just something that you felt the person you wanted to be would find important.
Some examples: Do you value success, or do you value achievement? Or approval? Do you value innovation, or do you value the chance to be creative or special? Do you value spending time with your family, or do you value not feeling guilty that you haven’t spent time with them?
One of the most profound realizations you can have is that you can change your mind. In every sense. You can change your mental habits, like your pet thoughts and complaints, the topics you fixate on, the personalities you “love” or ”hate” or like to celebrate or criticize.
You can change opinions of every kind. One thing I’ve found powerful in the last few years is to notice the results of your opinions. If your opinions are mostly making you feel bad, dragging your conversations down, and impacting your relationships, it’s time to consider how much time and attention you really want to invest in them. What is the purpose of opinions in the first place? Think about this. Your answer will be somewhat specific to you. But whatever your answer, your opinions are one more front on your ongoing mental war against limiting beliefs.
The deepest opinions you can change are your mindsets. These are your mental models and attitudes about things. Your mindset around worrying, planning, organization, and documentation are great places to look. What is your mindset about validation? What is your sense of how you should work with other people’s approval? It’s crucial to perform regular hygiene on how you want to be treated by others, and it’s even more important to regularly inspect and revisit your mindset around your role in your relationships.
When it comes to beliefs, you can change your beliefs by exposing them to critical thinking, either by inspecting where they started, the purpose they serve, and how successful these beliefs have been at representing what actually seems to be true.
In all cases, you can also just simply make more mindful choices about how you invest your attention. Maybe you don’t need to change any opinions or beliefs. Maybe you just need to be careful which ones are getting your attention and energy, which ones take up your screen time and monopolize your conversations.
To say you can change your mind is such a simple thought. But it’s essential to working on your personal growth. You can say, “Hey, this isn’t working” or “this sucks” and know that, after some introspective work and some effort to change your habits, you can count on different results.
Don’t misunderstand: I’m certainly not suggesting that all values are negotiable. And I’m certainly not saying that you should—or can— whimsically change your deepest beliefs. What I am suggesting is sometimes we’re wrong.
As foundational as it is to have a strong backbone of your most deeply held, well-examined values, sometimes life leads us to a point where a change of approach is called for. Sometimes these demanding moments are the stress-test that’s needed to expose mindsets, beliefs, and values that weren’t thoughtfully, intentionally chosen. Often what’s required is to unbundle a group of ideas from each other. You can unbundle “winner” from the idea of “leader” to become more collaborative. You can unbundle “success” and “approval” to better handle unpopular changes you have to make as a leader. You can unbundle “sacrifice” from “effort” to get in touch with a lot more motivation. What concepts are tied up in your mind that could be unbundled?
While this is a very provocative discussion with a lot of potential for life-changing, revolutionary transformation, an easy example that’s extremely common is something many entrepreneurs face when they move into leadership. Many people value hard work. When you become a leader, especially if you are leading people who do the work you were great at, you have to learn that, for a company to be successful, your “hard work” won’t involve the same tasks you handled as an individual contributor. It can’t. Your “hard work” now has to look like the “hard work” a leader does. A “super-individual contributor” (i.e., super salesperson, super consultant, super engineer) mentality will make you a very ineffective leader. You have to unbundle “salesperson” from “leader” or “best” from “leader.”
Your hard work now needs to result in a company that sets great goals and achieves them. If you manage people directly, you will shift your sense of what hard work is and what it is supposed to look like. To manage people well, you will have to change your mindset to understand that other people’s “hard work” might look very different from yours.
You can change your mind in any way you want. Leading teams and teaching your associates the power of this idea could create more collaboration, more productivity, more fun, and more meaningful experiences. What else?
Thanks a billion— Dave
Please continue to part 2…
Changing Your Mind— Part 2:
High-impact Habits to Unlock More Success in 2024
As part 2 in my series on changing your mind, I wanted to focus on some of the habits that represent the most common and highest-impact opportunities for change as we head into 2024. These focus on the world our technology has created for us, including how it’s affected how we consume news. You may only faintly see yourself in some of these habits, but you will certainly gain insight into those you care about and lead, as these are daily struggles for most people in 2023.
Take in good health! I’d love to hear your reactions.
1. Unbundle your Reactions and Triggers
Reactions are your habitual, sometimes automatic response to the things that trigger you to spend your attention on them and split your focus. This is a general topic. In some ways, it will be related to everything else we discuss. Taking time to think about your reactions to your triggers is powerful. Once you have an idea of the reactions that demand the most attention and the triggers that tend to stimulate those reactions, you can do the magic step of unbundling them from each other—you can look at your reaction as something under your active control and at your triggers as environmental factors that you can control to some extend, mitigate, or avoid.
Notifications are a universal example. If you lose your focus every time you get a notification on your phone or laptop, reflect on this. What do you do? Do you respond to the notification and get back to work? Does it lead to doing other productive tasks? Does it create a break in your focus where you slide into your distraction activities? This is a universal example. Other reactions to reflect on are things like your reaction to being challenged in a conversation or your reaction to receiving bad news. One thing to think about is your reaction to body and health cues, like feeling pain, soreness, weakness, or signs of illness and aging. Sometimes a bad week can start just because you weigh yourself and don’t like what you see, or you feel “off” or sick and find yourself somehow more irritable for the next few days—and especially chipper when the "off" feeling passes. It’s great to celebrate when you feel your health coursing through your body. But as we age and encounter new feelings and new worries, it’s sometimes the case that we aren’t conscious of our reactions. Especially when we try to ignore worries, it’s easy to forget to connect health concerns to our overall state of mind and attitude. Being able to unbundle new and sometimes worrying body sensations and health news from our reactions to them is important.
When you understand your reactions, you can work to understand what’s behind them. There is an unmet need implied by your reaction. What is it? Is it as simple as needing to acknowledge the feeling behind it? Is there structure and support your reaction might be a signal of needing? When it comes to this, it’s good to remember that blaming is an angry way of asking for help. Sometimes we don’t have a conscious understanding that we’re missing something or that we need something. All that we know is that somebody did something wrong, and someone is to blame. When you’re accusing others of being inconsiderate or having harmed you on purpose, be sure to ask yourself: what is it I'm saying I need?
Once unbundled from your reactions, identifying your cues is crucial. What are your cues for getting focused and productive? What cues pull you into less focused or productive modes? Think about your physical environment, your tech use and media consumption, your social environment—the people and types of conversations that bring you peace or preoccupy you. What else?
Changing this kind of habit provides a gateway to intentional living. By becoming aware of the triggers that either enhance or diminish focus, you take control of your mental state. The advantage lies in the ability to direct your attention purposefully, leading to increased productivity, better decision-making, and a more fulfilling daily experience.
To transform this habit, start by creating a mental inventory of your typical reactions in various situations. Identify patterns and triggers that contribute positively or negatively to your focus. Gradually, replace unproductive reactions with intentional responses. For instance, if your cue for distraction is a cluttered workspace, declutter and create a conducive environment for focused work. If having unanswered questions stops you from making progress, list questions and ask them as your first action step on that project. An intentional approach rewires your automatic responses, fostering a more productive mindset.
2. Seeking Distraction
It’s the paradox of the 21st century that we are more worried about the world because of the content we consume, and then return to that same content when we’re feeling concerned, upset, or overwhelmed—by the thoughts we got from that content in the first place. It seems reasonable that the answer to being unsure about what’s going on is it get more information about it. It seems like we should get some sense of control over what we’re worried about by doing this. And if you could get more information, it might.
But it’s not as easy to get more information as it is to get the same information, packaged slightly differently. These days you’re most likely to get content that reacts to and discusses events, not raw information. The 24-hour news cycle means that commentators need to fill all that time, even when nothing has changed, and there hasn’t been enough time for real reporting to establish any new confirmed facts. It’s easy to watch and listen to people talking about what’s going on in the world, but you’re not getting any closer to it. Unless you make a special effort, you’re not even getting multiple perspectives on what’s happening, just more of the same. And your initial intention, which was wise and smart and right-headed—which was to get more information and insight—has somehow transformed into being very distracted.
If we don’t call out this magic trick, we will never understand that we have gained an appetite in the meantime for distraction. Something we almost certainly didn’t intend, but which will certainly drag down your results in life—and your satisfaction with life long before that.
And because our attempt to control the situation and feel better about it was unsuccessful, we can then seek distraction from these distractions. With all this in mind, it’s easy to see how so many people spend as much as 10 hours a day consuming phone, social media, TV, or news content. As a busy person and a business leader, you probably aren’t spending this much time on it. But reflect to accurately determine how much value you get from the time you do spend this way. If it’s valuable, keep it up. If it’s just distracting you, you’ve just found a source of hidden energy you can use each day.
To transform this habit, initiate a digital detox. Identify the sources of distraction, whether it be excessive social media scrolling or compulsive news checking, and set boundaries. Allocate specific times for digital engagement and cultivate moments of intentional disconnection. Redirect the time saved towards activities that align with your goals and values. This deliberate shift not only enhances productivity but also fosters a sense of presence and fulfillment in daily life.
A non-digital version of this is arguing. Many people I’ve known who have gleaned wisdom from lives of of many successes and failures agree: it’s not worth their time to argue. Unless your arguing can change the outcome of the conversation for the better—and when is this ever the case?—all it really is is a kind of seeking distraction. Think back: how often does it actually change anything to argue with someone? More often than not, all it does is strain a relationship. Disagreement, debate, and even conflict are all necessary. Arguing doesn’t have to be. Exploring alternatives to arguing this year will be worth it for its impact on your leadership presence alone.
3. Focusing on Strangers
One additional callout while we’re discussing digital habits. This may apply to you, loved ones, or people on your team. The phone is a device for watching, and it is the lens through which most people are watching life. We have never had such an opportunity to watch people we have no real connection to.
Focusing on people you don't know is a special callout with some overlap with Seeking Distraction, but it’s a valuable topic to think about and discuss with people you lead or care about. From outright parasocial relationships with celebrities, to obsessive fandoms, down to having a personal "heroes and villains" energy around celebrity and political gossip or the news, the 21st century has become a hazardous place when it comes to putting too much energy into people you haven't met and have no direct connection to your life. How can you be present in your relationships, or have the energy to make new relationships, when so much passion goes into people you've never even met?
Have you noticed how much of the conversations at your dinner tables are focused on people who aren’t in your direct sphere of influence? Have you noticed yourself or others thinking as though people like world leaders and blue-chip CEOs are somehow a part of your daily life and not just people you read about? It’s happening more and more.
One of the most helpful exercises I’ve seen is to list the people you should care about, people you can influence—internal stakeholders, leaders of competitors, or other industry people you have shared a room with (or at least competed on an RFP with—and to make these people your focus to the total exclusion of supposedly more notable people.
When you find yourself in the same room as Elon Musk, or competing with one of his companies for a contract, then he’ll deserve a place on your list.
4. Unlearn something
There is an old Walt Kelly “Pogo” cartoon that riffs on an old comment made during the War of 1812: "We have met the enemy and he is us."
So often when we talk about personal growth, there is an attitude about being your own worst enemy and needing to overcome barriers that are, essentially, yourself. It's a useful frame and sometimes "declaring war" or taking an adversarial posture toward bad habits and limiting beliefs is the best way to make progress toward new levels of performance and results. But let's take a moment and consider: what if the enemy isn't us, isn't you? What if the enemy is simply that the world has changed without telling you that you need to update your "software"?
Maybe there's no enemy, just a series of changes in the world—and an unannounced need for you to revisit your mental models and core assumptions.
To transform this habit, adopt a mindset of continuous adaptation. Regularly question your existing beliefs and assumptions. Stay attuned to shifts in your environment and industry, and be open to challenging your established perspectives. Seek out new information and diverse viewpoints. Embracing the discomfort of unlearning paves the way for personal and professional growth. It allows you to navigate the complexities of a changing world with resilience and adaptability.
5. Learn Something New
Learn how to do something that "isn't your thing." AI is a great example. There is a quote that's being circulated about how AI won't replace people, but it will replace people who don't use AI. If you're a leader, that also means that you need to understand AI and its impacts on your business. You don't need to become a technical expert, you don't need to learn to code if you can't already, but there are technical concepts that you will be glad you took the time to understand, particularly in areas where business and technology meet. Some good examples here are AI ethics, HR and AI, and digital maturity and data maturity.
Transforming this habit involves a proactive approach to skill acquisition. Identify areas where technological advancements intersect with your field. Develop a learning plan that includes foundational knowledge in these areas. Leverage online courses, workshops, or mentorship programs to gain insights into topics like AI ethics, HR and AI, and digital and data maturity. Let me know if you’d like some recommendations for articles or e-learning courses.
And of course, there are many other skills and areas of knowledge you might choose for yourself besides these.
Reflection questions
Which of these is most insightful about someone you know? Explain who it is and what you realized.
Which of these is most compelling for you?
Is there something that wasn’t covered that you want to focus on in 2024? What is it?
Thanks a billion— Dave
Please continue to part 3…
Changing Your Mind— Part 3:
Leaning into Your Life
There’s a paradox in working on yourself; productively holding these contradictions is the art of self-development: 1) You need to deeply believe in something that hasn’t happened yet (your vision) and emphasize your potential. 2) You also need to be rigorously grounded in what is true now, including what your limitations and constraints are.
This does not mean being negative. In fact, learning to feel accurate self-assessment as a positive is a superpower when it comes to growth. You learn the true size of yourself by reaching your limitations. When you know what your limitations are, you have a much clearer idea of what you need to go beyond them. There’s no fear in reaching your limits. When we talk about growing, we’re talking about exceeding your limits as they are today. How can you do that if you don’t know what they are?
Let me assure you that the feeling of discovering the full extent of what you’re capable of today is a nourishing, desirable one. It’s one of the key fuels of progress. Although It’s an acquired taste, so are golf, scotch, tequila, cigars, and the personalities of some of my favorite people on earth.
Just to be clear, in focusing on tactics in this article, I’m not saying strategy doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t mean that a future focus isn’t important, or that you don’t need a vision. But I think that is the fun part of growth and development. It’s often the easiest part to understand. “I want to be successful. I think it will look like this. To get there, I will achieve these goals that get me there.” This is the strategic level. It’s a wish and a plan. It’s not the challenge of getting there. That’s a different job for a different mindset.
Strategy is made by generals far away from the front. The tactical is decided by field officers with boots on the ground.
When you’re a field officer, you consult maps, survey the field with your binoculars, and receive intelligence reports, but ultimately you are dealing with how these soldiers will cross that bridge under these conditions today. Generals outline what needs to be done. Field officers implement. They ensure that troops on the ground carry out the maneuvers and actions outlined in the plan. They work through NCOs (non-commissioned officers, like Sergeants) to facilitate and motivate the action. This is like in a corporation, where the C-level sets strategy, the Mid-level manages the work, and the First-line manages the teams. This is all very simplified, but I want to keep the metaphor clear.
When they study war, they often say that Napoleon beat the best-trained armies in the world at his time because his opponents, like the Prussians, had crystallized war into a science. They ran their armies according to abstract principles. They devised maneuvers and then drilled their troops to be excellent at performing them. But they overemphasized strategy and didn’t put enough stock into tactics. There’s more to the history, but this keeps what we’re talking about clear.
On the other hand, Napoleon knew that responding to the moment was much more important than executing a plan made with no knowledge of today. He knew that anything could happen between setting your strategy and the day you met the opposing army and that the right tactics for today win battles, even with all the best advice from the past available to you.
Of course, you’re a person, not an army, and not a corporation. Everything is done by you, from starting the war to tying your boots. You have to understand when it’s time to play which role and the different concerns each role needs to focus on.
When you’re running the tactical side of your growth, the most important thing is today. Where the rubber meets the road with growth is today. Who are you today? What are your capabilities? What are your resources? What are the conditions? You have a plan to implement your vision for yourself. But are your plans still practicable today? Or will you need to adjust or even start with a blank sheet of paper? The vision is the same, but to make progress today, how might you need to adapt the plan?
You are making a journey that has a certain distance that must be crossed. This can happen only by making regular measurable progress. You can get there any number of ways, by any sort of tactics you can pull off and live with. But daily progress must be made. As we take time at this point in the year to check in on your vision and your goals, it’s a good time to check in on your internal “boots on the ground.” Are you progressing? Are there challenges? Are you ignoring your limitations and expecting things from yourself that are unrealistic? Changing the plan for today is not compromising on the ultimate vision. In fact, it’s usually the only way to achieve it.
Thanks a billion— Dave